Monday, October 17, 2016

my current choices in life....

and these are my current choices summed up in one picture. 
I know God has a plan for me, I just wish I could see the next several steps, its like when you are following the directions and it tells you to merge onto one lane, stay there for 300 ft then take then merge onto another road stay on there for 500ft and then it finally tells you to merge onto the main highway/freeway. Thats my life right now, I want to see the bigger picture, know which highway to look out for and all I am getting is what to do in the next hundred feet.  I am learning patience, its a slow painful process.


I don't want to plagiarize, I didn't come up with the driving analogy, a dear friend did. You can read her really good post on this subject here.  She had a 2 miles at a time thing, but this feels like its literally just the next couple of feet or so, not even a mile.

Monday, October 3, 2016

Again

I am back on the crazy train. I invited Mr. Wonderful to come back... but to stay he has to meet certain requirements and has a list of things he must do daily.   I will share that list later but right now I want to share a song that has been on repeat for me these last couple of weeks... it speaks to my soul so well. its the words I have been unable to form. Its so beautiful, its so raw and real. Its so me!

its called "Again" by Jessie Clark Funk you can listen to it here on youtube

here are the lyrics:
I've wrestled with demons in darkness
I've wrestled with what has been lost
I carry this crashing weight on my shoulders
And try not to think of the cost

It's more than a single decision
It's giving a part of myself
It's something I simply can't do on my own
So I'm pleading with you for your help

Again and again I've asked myself why
I don't think that I have any tears left to cry
My soul is so tired I'm longing for rest
I'm giving my all and I'm doing my best
It hurts to move on from the place I am in 
But you understand where I've been
And you reassure me it's time to start over again

I'm finally ready to listen
I'm finally ready to hear
Struggling to get to a place you can reach me
Where peace can speak louder than fear

I can't see the end of the story
There is no way to know how it ends
For now I let go and I trust you to lead me
And show my hear where to begin

Again and again I've asked myself why
I don't think I had any tears left to cry
My soul is so tired I'm longing for rest
I'm giving my all and I'm doing my best
It hurts to move on from a place I am in 
But you understand where I've been
And you reassure me it's time to start over again

All of the pain and confusion I'm going through
I'm turning it over to you
Willing to trust it's the right thing to do

Again and again I've asked myself why
I don't think that I have any tears left to cry
My soul is so tired I'm longing for rest
I'm giving my all and I'm doing my best
It hurts to move on from a place I am in 
But you understand where I've been
And you reassure me it's time to start over again