I'm worn

As I sit in bed trying to get the motivation to get out of bed and go to church this song pops up on my pandora station--  "Worn"

The lyrics come straight from my soul!
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I’m Tired I’m worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes
To keep on breathing
I’ve made mistakes
I’ve let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world

And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn

I know I need to lift my eyes up
But I'm too weak
Life just won’t let up
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn

My prayers are wearing thin
Yeah, I’m worn
Even before the day begins
Yeah, I’m worn
I’ve lost my will to fight
I’m worn
So, heaven come and flood my eyes

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause all that’s dead inside will be reborn

Though I’m worn
Yeah I’m worn


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 I needed an anthem this morning, a way to express how tired I am, to be heard.  A friend heard me, God heard me and now I feel sufficiently strengthened to get out of bed and go to church. 

I have been hit and miss with this blog but today was such a testament to me that God hears me, He is trying to speak to me, if I listen closely I can hear Him.   I am so grateful for such a kind and loving Father in Heaven who cares so deeply about each and every one of His children. 

I'm such a lovefool....

my favorite version of this popular song you can listen to here.

I have had it on repeat... I am such a lovefool. This whole time I was so worried about being alone, about losing him I didn't really care if he cared.... I just needed him to tell me he loved me.  Even though his actions were those of a man who didn't love his wife... I begged him to love me. I wanted him to keep fooling me... just tell me he loved me... because I needed him.   

Looking back... I feel like a complete idiot.  I bent over backwards for him. I sacrificed so much for him...now all I am left with is how could I have been so blind? I knew there was more to the story,  I knew that his heart wasn't mine, I knew I didn't like the way he talked about his coworkers and other women, I saw his wandering eyes soak in women all around him...why did I put up with his behavior? why didn't demand safety in my marriage? why didn't I stand up for myself??? 

I think that is the greater tragedy in this romance gone wrong... I let myself down.  I didn't stand up for me.  I just took it all and kept begging him to love me... 

Lovefool-

Dear, I fear we're facing a problem
You love me no longer, I know
And maybe there is nothing
That I can do to make you do
Mama tells me I shouldn't bother
That I ought to stick to another man
A man that surely deserves me
But I think you do!


So I cry, I pray and I beg


Love me love me
Say that you love me
Fool me fool me
Go on and fool me
Love me love me
Pretend that you love me
Leave me leave me
Just say that you need me
Love me love me
Say that you love me
Leave me leave me
Just say that you need me
I can't care 'bout anything but you...


Lately I have desperately pondered,
Spent my nights awake and I wonder
What I could have done in another way
To make you stay
Reason will not lead to solution
I will end up lost in confusion
I don't care if you really care
As long as you don't go


So I cry, I pray, and I beg


Love me, love me
Say that you love me
Fool me, fool me
Go on and fool me
Love me, love me
Pretend that you love me
Leave me, leave me
Just say that you need me
So I cry, and I pray for you to
Love me, love me
Say that you love me
Leave me, leave me
Just say that you need me
I can't care 'bout anything but you...


Anything but you...


Love me, love me (Say that you love me)
Fool me, fool me (Go on and fool me)
Love me, love me (I know that you need me)
I can't care 'bout anything but you..