answers...

I stare at my computer just looking for answers.

I have it open and ready just waiting for inspiration to lead me to which website/email/folder I can find the answers in.

I wait... I will literally wait a couple of minutes just waiting for inspiration to come.

no inspiration comes... my mind is blank.

I stare at my husbands phone (both his old one and new one) I look at them.
I hold them in my hand and just wait for direction... where do I go for the answers?
which app/folder contains the secrets I so desperately want to know???

I just want answers! I want to know if he is telling me the truth. I want to know all of it, I just want to know it all. What was truly the extent?? is he currently acting out? who knew what? how many of the women that he flirted with knew me and felt pity for him that he was stuck with me??

I can run around in circles and stare at the computer all day but I will never find the answers there.  That is the hard truth.  The only answers I will truly find are on my knees, asking God to help me know which questions need answers. Then I can get up and go to work and have God's strength and wisdom helping me throughout my day.  Sometimes after I pray I realize I don't need those answers as much as I did before... sometimes they bother me even more than they did before! but I am learning to trust in God, to wait on His timing and to keep asking my questions and seeking answers from Him.  Its a hard and exhausting wait.  But I am hopeful it will be worth it.