Lead, Kindly Light

Hymns really speak to me. The more I read the lyrics instead of just mindlessly sing along the more I realize how many of them apply in my life. 

Lead, Kindly Light

Lyrics

1. Lead, kindly Light, amid th'encircling gloom;
Lead thou me on!
The night is dark, and I am far from home;
Lead thou me on!
Keep thou my feet; I do not ask to see
The distant scene--one step enough for me.

2. I was not ever thus, nor pray'd that thou
Shouldst lead me on.
I loved to choose and see my path; but now,
Lead thou me on!
I loved the garish day, and, spite of fears,
Pride ruled my will. Remember not past years.

3. So long thy pow'r hath blest me, sure it still
Will lead me on
O'er moor and fen, o'er crag and torrent, till
The night is gone.
And with the morn those angel faces smile,
Which I have loved long since, and lost awhile!

the 1st verse is a daily plea. It hurts too much and makes me go crazy with anxiety trying to see down the road. What will happen? will he stay in recovery? can I ever trust him again?

all questions that just bring insanity into my life.  If  I turn my burdens over to Christ and seek relief from him- one step at a time will be enough for me.

the 2nd verse is my current attitude in some ways, but mostly my past attitude.  I had my life all planned out and you know what? it was going to be perfect! so perfect. I did such a good job of planning it.. but I didn't. I missed one important factor in life. growth. I completely skipped out on the growing part. I didn't want trials that caused me to grow. I just wanted to grow from only positive experiences. Now I am seeing the value in hardships. Definitely a hard lesson to learn but I am learning.  Pride is my stumbling block. I know I am too proud. I am trying to become more humble. If I can turn my will over to God, and not let pride rule my choices then I know I can make it through this life. Its the actually turning it over that is really hard. Its so hard. But the days where I have turned it over, the days when I just let it all go and trusted in God I felt so much peace.  I just love the last sentence- "Remember not past years"  growing this way is hard, I have made so many mistakes, as I seek to find healing, I am seeking forgiveness for my mistakes. I am asking God to forgive me for being the prideful daughter I have been. Trusting that he will forget helps me have the courage to try again and try again.

the 3rd verse is my favorite- not all of it applies but the first couple of lines I really love. 

"So long thy pow'r hath blest me, sure it still will lead me on." - Christ is always there for us. He is there to continue to heal and guide us no matter what we are facing.  This is a very big and hard trial- my next one might be bigger or might be smaller, but they are still trials. He will still lead us on.  The last part that really speaks to me is this "O'er moor and fen, o'er crag and torrent, till

The night is gone."  the night is gone. He will be with me through all of it, He won't ever leave my side. He isn't just going to be with me once a week at 9am and let me stumble and struggle on my own the rest of the week. He will help me, I just have to ask and be willing to do what He asks of me